Thursday, January 5, 2012

Irrational fears

When I was in high school, I was very involved in extra-curricular activities. My parents had a rule that I couldn't go out on school nights unless it was school related so I joined a lot of teams. I was in the marching band for 4 years, track for 4 years, cross country for 3 years, bowling (yes, really) for 2 years, and the billiards team (yes, really) for 1 year. Basically, I added a new activity each year. I was also part of the ecology club and each year we would go on cool field trips to the bay. Oh, did I also mention that I had a morning paper route and still somehow managed to get good grades? I was busy, to say the least.
Anyway, with everything going on back then, nearly every fall, I would begin to get an irrational fear that I was going to get injured/hurt. The first year I can remember it happening was my sophomore year when I had cross country states (for the first time since I didn't run as a freshman) and our big Atlantic coast championship band competition (we were really competitive and we were really good - 2nd on the Atlantic coast in our division). For both sophomore and junior years, my irrational fear was that I was going to fall down the stairs. I have no idea why I thought that was the way I would get injured but everytime I was on stairs, I was extra cautious.
My senior year my fear was way more obscure. I had a fear of getting hit by a deer while riding my bike while delivering papers in the morning. Just typing that out made me laugh at little because the odds of that happening are slim to none,* which I was aware of at the time. However, one morning (prior to this fear forming) I was riding along and a deer shot across the street a few yards in front of me. I was then extra cautious in the mornings on my bike and tried to be more alert (as alert as one can be on a bike between 5-6am).
I never did get injured or hurt during these times but each year I had the same concerns. I think part of it was because there was some (healthy) pressure to be able to perform during my two main fall events since my cross country team and band were good (my cross country team won states my junior and senior years.. we had some speedy girls and I used to be much faster).

Yesterday while walking to my train after work I had a twinge of irrational fear set in. I think I'm getting nervous** about the wedding and hoping that I'm healthy and not injured or hurt for the big event and the honeymoon.
I don't think I mentioned it here, but the week before Christmas I fell on the railroad tracks (in front of about 20 people) crossing them to wait for my train in the morning. I was wearing a skirt and tights and I fell onto my knees pretty hard. My hands were full so I didn't actually land them at all. By some miracle my tights did not tear or run and there wasn't any blood. I did have a good lump and bruise on my knee for a little while but I'm better now.
I also think that my mom breaking her ankle (for unknown reasons) and dealing with a cast and crutches (and now a walking boot) has made me cautious. I'm still running (though probably not as often as I'd like) and still doing normal daily activities but I am more aware of what I'm doing lately.

Do you ever have any irrational fears when you have major events happening in your life? Have you ever actally been injured before a major event?

*Although a deer did run into a girl during a race I was running once, so maybe it wasn't so irrational afterall?
** Nervous about being sick or injured or that the weather won't cooperate, not about actually being married. My feet aren't cold is what I'm saying.

8 comments:

Katie said...

stress brings a LOT of this kind of stuff to light, friend! when I got married the first time I kept waking up in the middle of the night thinking that the house was burning down.

Beth said...

I get irrational fears like that when I am very stressed or very tired (probably from all the stress).

Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WppCEOg1Qs

.... but it probably won't happen to you.

Morgan said...

The deer hitting you on your paper route made me LOL! I'm very glad that never happened to you!

If it makes you feel better I can share that because I've sat out the last two fall's in injury I too have a fear of injury for the big day. I think the only thing you can do is try to focus on all the wonderful things happening and how happy that day will be and go from there. I'd say "stop stressing" but we both know that ain't happening!

ajh said...

I fear things to do with snakes. Once when I was riding my bike I hit a snake and it "flew" up into the air at me. I have never gotten over it and fully expect it to happen again.

ajh said...

I just went to see what the video was that Beth put in her comment. I had seen that last year but forgot until I watch it. See your fears aren't irrational.

Jill said...

Oh gosh girl, I'm glad you are ok (aside from the ego). I have a lot of anxiety riding in a car with someone else. Not always, but many times. Me teaching my boys how to drive is not a good thing! Ha.

kilax said...

Gosh! I've never thought like that. I have been injured, and thought "Hmm, I hope I don't get injured before a race," but have not worried about getting hurt for any other event. No, weather at the wedding? Yes, I have worried about that!

I am happy you were okay after that fall on the train tracks! I hope you didn't start your week out that way. That would have been awful :(

fluentbrittish said...

I had an irrational fear of being killed in a drive-by shooting when I was in elementary school. It had nothing to do with a big event, but it completely interfered with my life. I wouldn't go in my front yard, and if I was in my living room, I always crouched down so a bullet wouldn't hit me through the window.

Now that I mention it, I probably needed to be in therapy.

I always get irrational fears when we go on vacation. I feel like, if something good is happening in my life, something bad has to happen to balance it out. Fortunately all of our vacations have gone smoothly, and we've had no major incidents.